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How to Determine if You're in a Toxic Relationship
There are some people who find themselves in an emotionally abusive or controlling relationships for a longer period of time before they're able to clearly figure it out. Others can spot it immediately during the early stages in their relationships but they just keep on hoping for the best. They will just keep on wishing that someday, this human being whom they love could still change to become a better person that's why they decide to stay.
In many cases, the abuser or manipulator will usually choose an individual who is vulnerable to be controlled. At first, the person whom you thought who loves you will be someone who appears to be so protective, caring, honest and understanding. Well, this is the same reason why you will have difficulty to know or spot the abuse because you already thought and felt that you're being loved by the very same person who is also your abuser.
Can You Tell If You're In A Toxic Relationship? The guide below may help you determine if you're in a toxic relationship.
1. Observe how your partner treats you. Happiness comes out of anyone's heart when someone treats a person with love and respect. If your partner keeps you dependent and does not give you a chance to do anything by yourself then this is a sign that you are in a toxic relationship.
You are not his or her possession so he or she should stop being possessive. The opposite of this is when your mate becomes a very needy person who constantly calls you to ask for your support or advice to make himself or herself feel safe and good.
Because of this selfish need, your whole time usually revolves around him or her. You realize that you don't even have time to talk about other important things in life during the conversation since your mate only wants to focus the conversation about his or her own needs.
2. Study how your partner behaves and talks when he or she is around with other people. If he or she verbally puts you down in front of other people then this is a real sign of disrespect. Your partner may say that he or she loves you but if nothing backs up of what he or she was saying then it was just a lie.
This person is unhealthy to be with because he or she will just put you down, strongly criticize you, or even make fun of your ideas in the presence of other people in a very unpredictable manner. When your partner disregards your boundaries and will try to convince you that the criticism he or she had said was for you own good then this is an indication that you are in a toxic relationship. This kind of person wants to treat you like a disobedient child instead of an equal partner in life.
3. Find out whether the relationship that you have with your mate fuels you to do the things that gives inspiration and meaning in life. Examine if you can be by yourself when you're with your partner and feel fully accepted by him or her. You need to check whether your partner shares most or the same values and level of integrity that you have.
These are important factors that you need to consider in order to have a harmonious relationship. It is not toxic if it's a give-and-take relationship, where if one is sick, the other partner will take good care of the other and vice versa. You have to test the quality of your relationship since it requires an investment of time and energy.
You are not in a toxic relationship if you have a partner who is committed and able to celebrate with your happiness as well as success in life. He or she is also able to be with you during your difficulties and challenges in life and tries to make you feel good about yourself.
4. Detect the tactics that your abuser partner likes to use to stay in power. These could be direct or indirect threats like intimidation where he or she talks about suicide if ever you'll decide to leave or could be through actions like withholding the love and intimacy.
Another tactic is to make you feel guilty by directly telling that you're not caring and loving that is why the relationship is not working good for both of you. If your abuser partner thinks that you are a conscientious person then he or she will use this tactic too.
Your manipulator mate can also turn the table by claiming that he or she is the victim because you mistreated or disrespected him or her. He or she will bounce off any blame to bring about the guilt on you. Another tactic that your abuser partner will use is to constantly put you down by insulting and using sarcasm to make you feel inadequate so that he or she will stay in power.
The controller's main purpose is to gain power while you will become weaker everyday. The control is very important to them that is why they keep on undermining their partner's abilities and sense of who they are so that they will constantly submit to their wants, needs and wishes.
5. Observe if your partner keeps on avoiding intimacy by constantly talking about other people whom he or she knows in a very negative manner. The gossip that he or she shares with you makes him or her feel knowledgeable and powerful by passing on his or her opinions, stories, and up-to-date revelations.
Gossiping about other people behind their backs is his or her forte to the point where he or she could create a lack of safety in his or her own relationship. If your lover can talk about other people this way then there is a possibility that he or she will also talk this way about you to the people whom he or she knows.
6. Examine if you have this feeling where you no longer know yourself anymore. You start to believe that you have done unacceptable, shameful or terrible things that your partner had accused you of doing so. When you find yourself starting to defend this abusive person in defiance of your own extreme fright by distorting the truth to anyone then you are setting yourself in danger.
When you're in a toxic relationship, your abusive and controlling mate wants to change the reality by denying, lying, and rationalizing the things that he or she does so that you'll no longer trust your sense of knowing what's right and wrong. You feel afraid most of the time especially when your mate is around because you're powerless in your miserable relationship.
With the chronic fear that you are constantly feeling, you have this thought of leaving or escaping. You're also frightened that your partner will get so frustrated to the point that he or she may threaten to eliminate your loved ones that you'll just stay. If you had lied to others by conspiring with him that nothing is going on instead of telling the truth then you are absolutely in a toxic relationship.
Tips & Warnings:
A lover who ignores or challenges everything you say and has a strong need to be right most of the time is a perfectionist. He or she may easily can find fault from you and this can be exhausting on your part to have a conversation with him or her because you'll end up giving in and just listen to whatever he or she says. You need to realize that you have options and all you have to do is to stand up for yourself.
Many of these abusers were also raised in homes where they were exposed to so much trouble and chaos. If one parent is abusive within the relationship then there's a tendency that a child may adopt this pattern as the ideal one as he or she grows up or choose the opposite way. Children should never be exposed to constant fighting because it could give them the negative impression that they do not deserve to lead a happy and healthy life. It will take too much strength and effort on their part to better themselves after being exposed to constant fighting and argument.
Some relationships make people grow and give them inspiration in their daily lives. Unfortunately, other relationships regularly drain your energy with or without you knowing it. When your partner constantly discourages or intimidates you from your path in living a happy and fulfilled life then you need to tell him or her that you are aware of it and can't tolerate that kind of behavior. It is not acceptable in any relationship if your mate continually gives you negative energy in obvious or subtle ways. You need to be brave enough to confront your partner if he or she is always showing you his or her fault-finding, demeaning and disrespectful ways. Toxic relationships can be saved as long as the abusive partner is willing to accept help and change. Counseling is one of the best ways for a couple to fix problems in a toxic relationship.
When your partner constantly complains almost about everything in life and still gets energy from complaining and throwing away his or her frustrations on you then this is a sign that you are in a toxic relationship. As the relationship continues, you'll be doing the things that you don't like because you just want to please him or her. When you're in a toxic relationship, your partner keeps on blaming you about everything that went wrong.
You need to examine how to identify a harmful relationship so that you can free yourself from it. You are clearly in a toxic relationship if your partner is controlling and emotionally abusive. An abusive partner will isolate you from anyone important in your life who wants to support you. It will be hard for the people who are concerned for your safety and well-being to help you if you are not determined to make a firm decision to change your life. A possessive and jealous partner will try to keep you away from your friends and family and only wants you to focus and dedicate your life entirely to him or her.